Halo Halong Pinoy

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Noynoy Jokes : Luneta Hostage Crisis


August 23, Inside Malacanang:

*Noynoy and his cabinet are watching the blow by blow events in TV (this is what they refer to as "closely monitoring the hostage situation)...

Scene 1: 

Noynoy: Kawawa naman pala talaga itong si Mendoza... Naiintindihan ko ang mga hinaing nya... Naalala nyo ba yung inauguration speech ko na ginawa ni Manolo? "Kayo ba ay minsan ring nalimutan ng pamahalaang inyong iniluklok sa puwesto? Ako rin. Kayo ba ay nagtiis na..."

Robredo: <biglang pinutol si Noynoy> Boss, di ba tayo magpapa-implement ng media blackout???

Noynoy: Sira ka ba, pre? Pag ginawa ko yan, paano natin mako-closely monitor dito ang hostage taking na yan?


Scene 2:

Noynoy: Ano, may reklamo ka pa, Jessie?

Robredo: As you say, Boss! Basta worse comes to worst, di ako mapaparesign dito ha, aba kabago bago ko pa lang...

Noynoy: Sino ang ibibigay mo?

Robredo: yung MPD chief na lang, si Magtibay. Pag di pa rin nakuntento ang mga tao, pati si Mayor Lim na rin!

--------------------------------------------------------

*Noynoy and his cabinet are still watching TV...

Scene 1:

Palace Aide: Mr. President, a call for you, from Mr Donald Tsang, Chief Officer of Hongkong.

Noynoy: Ha? Ano kaagad? Eh hindi pa tapos ah... wala pang aksyong nangyayari ah...

Carandang: Boss, maybe he just wants to personally hear from you assurance that everything is under control, na we are doing our best with regards to the situation.

Noynoy: You call this under control? Ano ka baliw???


Scene 2:

Noynoy to Aide: Uhmmmm... sabihin mo kay Tsang, uhmmmm, you cannot disturb the President kasi... uhmmmm... we are now in a very serious closed door meeting. Maiintindihin na nun... basta closed door, seryoso!

Palace Aide: Ok po...

Noynoy: At wag mo sabihing ako maysabi nun ha.


Scene 3:

Coloma: Boss, paano pag tumawag uli si Mr. Tsang. Syempre concerned yun sa citizens nya, and hearing from you will greatly relieve some of his anxities.

Noynoy: At ano naman ang sasabihin ko? Yaan muna nating matapos to, para may kumpleto tayo datos at report kung ilan ang namatay, pano sila namatay, kung sino dapat sisihin...

Carandang: But Boss, wala pa naman namamatay, wala pa naman putukan. Mukhang magiging peaceful ito hanggang katapusan...

Noynoy: Marami ka pa talagang kakaining bigas, Ricky... A good leader believes in the saying: If it is bound to happen, it will! Murphy's Law, hellloooo???

Palace Aide: Mr. President, tumatawag po uli si Mr. Tsang...

Noynoy: Anak ng Tsang***yan



--------------------------------------------------------


*Noynoy, after receiving much flak for the "smiling" incident, called for a closed-door meeting with his communications group:


Scene 1:

Noynoy: Grabe na talaga, this situation has now grown out of control. Pati yung pagngiti ngiti ko, pinupuna pa! Syempre namangha ako sa bus sa crime scene, wow, ganito pala siya sa personal! Lahat naman siguro ng tao napapangiti pag namamangha di ba?

Communications group: ?

Noynoy: Saka yung sa presscon, di ba nila matanggap talaga na natural akong ganito. I smile when I'm happy. I smile when faced with an absurd situation. Baka pa nga, I smile pag tinotorture ako eh.

Coloma: Eh, Boss, di ba umiiyak naman kayo nung namatay ang ina nyo??? At least there you were not smiling?

Noynoy: Bakit??? Sila ba ang nanay ko???


Scene 2:

Lacierda: Boss, hindi na yata tayo sineseryoso ng mga tao pag lagi kang nakikitang nakangiti.

Noynoy: Eh ano nga ba ang gusto nila, eh natural ko na ito?

Lacierda: Ah Boss, may naisipan na kaming solusyon dyan...

Noynoy: Ha meron? Mukhang maganda yan ah.

Lacierda: Sige Boss, saglit lang...

***maya maya nang konti***

Babae: Hello, PNoy!!!

Noynoy: DOKTORA VICKY?!?


Scene 3:

Noynoy: Dra. Vicky, medyo worried ako eh...

Dra. Vicky: Don't worry Mr. President. The procedure is non-invasive so you will feel no pain at all. All we have to do is to make that perpetual smile of yours turn into a constant "angry" look. Now, when people see you looking serious all the time, they will think that you are really indeed serious all the time, kahit hindi.

Noynoy: ???

Dra. Vicky: Furthermore, no need to worry about the press. We'll just tell them that what you underwent is a procedure to treat your jaw muscle problems...

Noynoy: Parang narinig ko na yan ah...

Dra. Vicky: And lastly, the procedure won't cost your cash-strapped administration a single peso.

Noynoy: Owwws? That sounds too good to be true ah!

Dra. Vicky: Well, kailangan lang natin magpakita together sa isang presscon. Kailangan ko rin ng publicity, noh?


Scene 4:

Noynoy: But. Dra. Vicky, that's not what I'm worried eh...

Dra. Vicky: Ok, tell me, Mr. President, so that magawan natin ng paraan.

Noynoy: Musta na kayo ni Krissy?

1 comment:

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