Halo Halong Pinoy

Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

New Pinoy Term - Magbilang tayo

Oh No! - Unang Numero


Those - Number pagkatapos ng Uno


Trees - Number pagkatapos ng Dos


What Row? - Number pagkatapos ng Tres


Synch Oh - Number pagkatapos ng Kwatro


Say East - Number pagkatapos ng Singko


City - Number pagkatapos ng Sais


Oath Chew - Number pagkatapos ng Siete


Newbie - Number pagkatapos ng Otso


The yes - Number pagkatapos ng Nuebe

Friday, April 13, 2012

Leaked Transcript of Manny Pacquaio's Talk with God

I came across a hilarious post by Inquirer.net columnist Rene Ciria-Cruz of An alleged leaked Transcript of Manny Pacquiao's talk with God. The documents was reportedly stolen from the Vatican Archive.

So this is the Reason why Manny sudden conversion into a Religious Preacher and said that he will give up Boxing. Well if his serious, he should give up Politics too and concentrate on his holy calling.

Here is the Copy of the said transcript.

Monday, July 11, 2011

ang pag-ibig parang.. part 2


ANG PAG-IBIG PARANG SUKLI ng pamasahe mo sa Jeep, kahit ipasa-pasa ka pa sa maraming tao. Mapupunta ka pa din sa tunay na nagmamay-ari sayo. 

ANG PAG-IBIG PARANG CELLPHONE na nahulog sa toilet makukuha mo lang pag meron kng lakas ng loob.

ANG PAG-IBIG PARANG ELECTROMAGNETIC INDUCTION lumayo ka man o lumapit, magkakaroon pa rin.pag wala kang ginawa, walang mangyayari. hindi puwedeng palayo lang, o palapit lang. kailangan papapalit palit. plus, mahirap siyang intindihin. 

ANG PAG-IBIG PARANG yumayakap sa cactus.. mas mahigpit mas masakit!

ANG PAG-IBIG PARANG computer virus: Sinisira lahat ng pinaghirapan mo.

ANG PAG-IBIG PARANG LRT. wag mong pagsiksikan ang sarili mo kung puno na. meron pa naman darating na iba.

ANG PAG-IBIG PARANG SUBJECT SA SCHOOL:

Math. Maraming problema.

Science. Maraming dapat patunayan.

PE. Minsan nakakapagod. Minsan boring. Minsan papawisan ka. Madalas, naglalaro ka lang talaga.

Friday, November 12, 2010

JOKETIME : Italian Job

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed!

"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my .38 chrome plated revolver so you will always remember me.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Bob Ong Quotes, pick up lines and lesson in life

Compilation of quotes from bob ong's books.

Love Qoutes

Ang tenga kapag pinagdikit korteng puso...
Extension ng puso ang tenga, kaya kapag marunog kang makinig, marunong kang magmahal,

Pag di ka mahal ng taong mahal mo, wag kang magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka. Kaya quits lng.

Kung hindi mo mahal and isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..

Ang babae, nirerespeto, inaalagaan!Hindi yan PSP na bubunutin mo lang sa bulsa pag gusto mo ng paglaruan.Hindi yan IPOD na papakinggan mo lang kapag wala kang libangan.At hindi yan RED HORSE na pwede mong laklakin hanggang madaling-araw.Ang babae, marami mang arte sa katawan, hindi yan gadget para kolektahin at paglaruan.

Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sayo kahit pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin yung araw na sakit nalang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo.

Kapag pinag-aagawan ka malang maganda o gwapo ka. Sumama ka sa mabuti, hindi sa mabait. Sa marunong hindi sa matalino. Sa mahal ka, hindi sa gusto ka.

Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin
ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo.
Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang
hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan
mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso,
utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo,
kundi IKAW mismo!


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Cheesy Pick up lines

para kang oatmeaL, you know why ?? coz’ you’re good to my heart ..

here let me tie your shoe laces, so you won’t fall for anyone else.

can i strip your clothes off? because i want to know how angels hide their wings.

kung nagugutom ako at kelangan ko ng isang taong makakapagpabusog sa aken, pede ba kitang lapitan at sabihin.. Pakagat naman kahit sa labi man lang.

Para kang alak..habang tumatagal lalong sumasarap!

‘ miss, pwede ba kta abutin? ikaw kasi pangarap  ko e’ ..

sana holdaper ka na lang… para “ibibigay ko sayo lahat, wag mo lang akong sasaktan.

Tagalog knock knock jokes compilation

 Mga nakakatawa at korning knock knock jokes.

Ganito ang scheme para tipid sa space.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
______.
______ who?
______. (music)

  1.  May Kumaway. May kumaway downtown, walking fast, faces
  2. Ano ba Romace. Ra-ra-ra-a-a-h Ruh-muh-ruh-muh-muh Ga-ga Ooh lah lah, Ano ba Romace?
  3. Uwang. Uwang galing, galing kong sumayaw
  4. Cashew Nut. Don’t tell me you’re sorry Cashew Nut. ~
  5. Ginabing Kokey. Just dance, ginabing kokey. Dadoodoom.
  6. Come back to me. Come back to me bok ang puso. Wala ka ng magagawa kundi sundin ito.
  7. Kangkong, Kangkong, Greenwich, Tomato. New York..kangkong, kangkong, greenwich, tomato. Now you’re in New York! New York!
  8. Sinigang. Sinigaaang! Sandal ka lang. At wag mong pipigilan.~
  9. Solusyon. Solusyon, sa Visayas, at sa Mindanao!
  10. Civil War. Civil war ang tunay na mahirap. Civil war ang tunay na may malasakit.
  11. Inday. Indaaaaaay will always love you.
  12. Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne yooou forever. Deep inside my heart it’s yooou forever.
  13. Ay Dyusko! Ay dyusko to say I love you, Ay dyusko to say how much I care.
  14. Phone na Nokia. Phone na Nokia, di sinasadya. Di kayang magtapat ang puso ko.
  15. Kamuning. Kamuning get me, get me, get me. Baby i’m yours. Kaamuning get me.
  16. Russian Patay. Wise men say, only fools Russian, patay can’t help, fallin in love with you.
  17. Terminal. Terminal..every now and then i get a little bit lonely..
  18. Alfred. Alfred my wings and i learned how to fly..
  19. Bumili ng bagong folding bed. Bumili ng bagong folding bed (mad at you).
  20. Pikachu. No, I don’t wanna go to bed (pikachu).
  21. Fire, apoy. If fire apoy, I think I could understand.
  22. River boat. River boat young when I first saw you. I close my eyes.
  23. Lady Gaga. Kung Lady Gaga ka.. sa piling ng iba..
  24. Para, Mamang Taxi. I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me. Para, mamang taxi.
  25. Nido Gatas. I Nido boo, gatas see you boo.. and the hearts all over the world tonight. said the hearts all over the world tonight.
  26. I-autoload mo ako. How much? Magkano? Nothing’s gonna change my love for you, i-autoload mo ko. how much? magkano?
  27. Soon to Open: Pan de Manila. Uno, dos, tres, soon to open Pan de Manila.
  28. Pritong Saba, Pritong Mani, Sinigang, Kare-kare. Pritong saba, pritong mani, sinigang, kare-kare. Hallelu— Hallelujah.
  29. Tagabitbit Putobumbong. Tagabitbit. Tagabitbit. Tagabet bet bet bet bet. Putobumbong. putobumbong. Putobumbong.
  30. Kabag Again. Now i’m speechless, over the edge of this breathless. I never thought that I would catch this, the kabag again.
  31. Melon, Kangkong, Mais, Gulaman, Talong. Melon kangkang mais gulaman. Maari bang mag-talong?
  32. Medicine. Bayang magiliw.. medi-cine.
  33. Kinurot ko. Kinurut-kurot ko pa. Kinurot ko. Kinurut-kurot ko pa. (intro - always be my baby - mariah)
  34. The Hill and Cow. The hill and cow ang sigaw ng puso ko. Ikaw ang nasa isip ko.
  35. Honda. Honda first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.
  36. Honda ulit! Honda wings of love! Up and above the clouds the only way to fly, is Honda Wings of Love.
  37. Pacquiao. But it’s over now. Come on and take Pacquiaooo.
  38. Lasengga. All lasengga ladies. All lasengga ladies. Put your hands up!
  39. Twenty-one. 7 + 7 + 7.. Twenty-one.. 7 x 7 x 7, yan ang hindi ko alam!
  40. BDO. Watch me on your BDO Phone. BDO phone.
  41. Dina Bonnevie, Gary V. Dina Bonnevie my lover, Gary V with my friends.
  42. Lactum. I Lactum move it move it!
  43. Pekpek. You are~ pekpek. you are~ pekpek.
  44. Pulis may wang-wang. Pulis may wang-wang-wang! Shorty fire burning on the dance floor. Ooh~
  45. Tuna Pie. Tuna pie, tuna limit, tuna wall~ for a chance to be with you i’d rather risk it all. Tuna pie, tuna fever come what may! ~
  46. China. Chinaaa~ ika’y muling makita ko. Damhin ang tibok ng puso mo.
  47. Buko Shake. Voulez buko shake avec moi ce soir. Voulez buko shake avec moi ye ye ye ye.
  48. Mighty Mouse. Mighty mouse outside Chicago. Can’t stop driving I don’t know why~
  49. Brunei. May nagmamahal, aakay sa’yo. Aking Brunei ikaw ang nagbigay ng buhay kooo~
  50. What can be? What can be? bitiw bigla. What can be? bitiw bigla. Higpitan lang ang yong kapit..
  51. Coca Cola. Coca cola na lang sana ang iyong minahal, di ka na muling mag-iisa.
  52. We were Aswang. We were aswang babe. For a moment in time.
  53. Little Manuel. I’m not crazy, I’m just a little manuel. I know, right know you can’t tell.
  54. Abby. Abby loving you~ forever! Deep inside my heart its you. Forever.
  55. Lesbians. So lesbians, lesbians for love. Lesbians, lesbians tonight!
  56. I’m a friend. I’m a friend to fly. and I don’t know why?
  57. Korina - Mar Roxas. Oooh~ ooh~ Korina-Mar Roxas.
  58. MOA. Girl you know MOAAA, girl you know MOAAA. (birthday sex)
  59. Thesis. Thesis the moment, my final test.
  60. Cheesy palaman sa tasty. No he ca’t read my poker face (cheesy-palaman-sa-tasty). popopoker face popopoker face.
  61. New Zealand. New Zealand ka sa mundong ito. Laking tuwa ng magulang mo.
  62. Knock knock. Knock knockaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura?
  63. Canada. Nakaligo Canada sa dagat ng basura? (OMFVillar! WTF! LSS!)
  64. Joana. I joana close my eyes! I joanna fall asleep.
  65. Pussy Cat. Mag-pussycat! mag-pussycat. Dito sa showtime lahat tayo pussycat!
Source: http://excuses-of-a-fucking-weak.blogspot.com/2010/04/tagalog-knock-knock-jokes-compilation.html

Pick up lines na medyo bastos

 Kahoy ka ba? sarap mo kasing sibakin

----------------------------------

  ketchup ka ba? kasi bagay ka sa hot dog  ko eh.

----------------------------------

Freezer ka ba? tinitigasan kasi ako sayo.


Tagalog pick up lines

Mag empake ka…sama ka sakin, punta tayo home for the aged Kasi i wanna grow old with you.
----------------------------------
Pag ako gumawa ng planeta, gusto ko ikaw ang axis ko. Para sayo lang iikot ang mundo ko.
----------------------------------
bkit kasi ang likot mo? yan tuloy natabig mo puso ko, nahulog pa sau.
----------------------------------
Uy dadaan pa ba ko dyan sa inyo? O dederetso nako sa puso mo?
----------------------------------
wala man akong pera para bilin ang kahapon, pero handa akong utangin ang bukas makasama ka lang maghapon.
----------------------------------
Alam mo para kang ligaw na bala
sa iba ka nakalaan…
PERO AKO ANG NATAMAAN.
----------------------------------
sana signal na lng ako
para pag nawala ako
hahanap ka ng paraan
para makita ako.
----------------------------------
Alam mo, layas ka talaga eh, no?
Pati sa panaginip ko, nakakarating ka…
----------------------------------
mekaniko ka ba? kailangan ko kasi ng magkukumpuni ng puso ko
----------------------------------
Miss apoy ka ba? kasi "ALAB" u
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Tinatanong ng nanay ko kung kapuso ka ba? kasi gusto ka nming gawing kapamilya
----------------------------------
Cguro sa inuman malalaki ang matitipid ko, kasi tinitingnan pa lang kita tinatamaan na ako.
----------------------------------
sana mura ka na lang para pwede kang mahalin
----------------------------------
Kailangan mo ba ng tutor? tuturuan kitang mahalin ako.
----------------------------------
Surgeon ka ba? kasi ikaw lang ang nakapagbukas ng nakasara ko nang puso ko.
----------------------------------
Geometry ba ang favorite subject mo? Kasi kahit anong angle, ang ganda mo.
----------------------------------
para kang traffic sa EDSA, coz i can't move on...
----------------------------------
Alam ko na bakit ang init ngayong summer. ang hot hot mo eh
----------------------------------
parang kang ovaltine. i just can't get enough
----------------------------------
Para kg TABLE OF CONTENTS. Dahil ikaw ang topic ng bawat pahina ng buhay ko
----------------------------------
Boy: Pwede bang tabi tayo kapag nagstart na ang quiz?
Girl: Bakit?Mangongopya ka na naman!
Boy: Hindi ah. Kasi I feel perfect when i'm beside you.
----------------------------------

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Joketime - Translation - English to french?

Let’s learn French. Oui?

1.TURN – le coup
2. LITER – le true
3. BEHIND – le coud
4. ALMS – le mousse
5. FIVE – le ma
6 . FLY – le pad
7. DID NOT TAKE A BATH – le bag
8. CONFUSED – le tou
9. NO LONGER A VIRGIN – les pag
10. UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND – cou ma le wah
11. CITY – ce vou
12. DRUGS – sha vou -
13. GOODBYE – va vou
14. MUSICAL BAND – com vou
15. BALD – cal vou
16. CAUGHT IN THE ACT – na vou coup, na coup!!
17. FEATHERS – valahe vou
18. UNCLEAR – ma la vou
19. SINK – lah va vou
20. COCONUT – vou coup
21. OPEN WIDE – vou camou
22. CIRCUMCISE – vou ratattouile
23. ALWAYS UP – va yagriah
24. YOU’RE HOT – le voug mou
25. WASHROOM – coup vaetta
26. JAIL – coup lou ngan
27. SUPER BOOBS – la que zõusõu
28. BUGER – cõup la ngõut
29. WOUNDS – va cõup cängh
30. BIG MOUTH – chez moussa
31. NAGGER – vou nga nguerrah
32. TADPOL – vou teiteh

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Joketime

once upon a time,

there was a small passenger plane cruising in the air

carrying 3 passengers-a priest, a boy scout and a president of a firm,

when suddenly, the engine went dead!

all the passengers are in panic!!

the 3 parachutes weren’t enough for them..!!

“I have a wife and 3 children” cried the pilot, then grab a parachute then jumped into the void !!

“I am the smartest man in the world!!” proudly yelled by the president then hurriedly grab one slide into his arms then jump out on the falling plane..!!

the boy scout and the priest were left..

“Son grab the last parachute..I’m old and ready to meet our creator”

“Relax Father!!!!” said the boy scout with a smile..

there is enough parachutes for us to use…

the “SMARTEST” man in the world just jumped out with my knap sack

---------------------------------------------------

A soldier ran up to a nun, out of breath, he asked, “Please may I hide under your skirt? I’ll explain later”. The nun agreed.

A moment later two military police ran up and asked, “Sister have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way. ”

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under the skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq. “

The nun said she understood completely.

The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs.”

The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t want to go to Iraq either”

---------------------------------------------------

BEFORE MARRIAGE


He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE
Read from the bottom going up

---------------------------------------------------

A priest is hearing confessions one afternoon when he has to go to the bathroom. He calls janitor over to take his place. The janitor resists saying he isn’t a Catholic or a priest and will not know what to say. The priest assures him that everything will be fine if he just follows the chart in the confessional.

“If someone comes in and says they have stolen, you tell them to say two Hail Mary’s and don’t do it again,” explains the priest. “Just follow the chart.” And with that, the priest leaves.

The janitor sits down, and in walks a man to confess.

“Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have had anal sex with another man.”

The janitor is shocked! He keeps going over the chart, trying to find a reference to anal sex and can’t find any. He starts to get worried and opens the confession door, and asks a nearby choirboy, “What does the father give for anal sex?”

“Well,” says the choirboy, “usually it’s a T-shirt and a candy bar.”

---------------------------------------------------

in an anatomy exam,

the teacher asks the class to draw

a Female reproductive organ..

1 girl feel shy,

luks down and opened her panty..

then a boy shouts:

mam oh! she’s CHEATING!!

---------------------------------------------------

Three women were talking about their love lives.
The first said: “My husband is like a Rolls-Royce, smooth and sophisticated.”
The second said: “Mine is like a Porsche, fast and powerful.”
The third said: “Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it’s still going.”


English Tagalog Dictionary

  1. Contemplate – kulang ang mga pinggan
  2. Punctuation – pera para maka-enrol
  3. Ice Buko – nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
  4. Tenacious – sapatos na pang tennis
  5. Calculator – tawagan kita mamaya
  6. Devastation – sakayan ng bus
  7. Protestant – Tindahan ng prutas
  8. Statue – Ikaw ba yan?
  9. Tissue – Ikaw nga!
  10. Predicate – Pakawalan mo ang pusa
  11. Dedicate – Pinatay ang pusa
  12. Aspect – Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
  13. Deduct – Ang pato
  14. Defeat – Ang paa (ng pato?)
  15. Detail – Ang buntot (ng pato?)
  16. Deposit – Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
  17. City – Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
  18. Cattle – Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
  19. Persuading – Unang Kasal
  20. Depress – Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
  21. Defense – Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
  22. It Depends – Kainin mo ang bakod
  23. Shampoo – Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
  24. Delusion – Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
  25. Delivery – Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang
  26. Profit – Patunayan mo
  27. Balance Sheet – What comes out after eating a balance diet
  28. Backlog – bacon saka egg
  29. Beehive – magpakatino ka
  30. CD-ROM – tingnan mo ang kwarto
  31. Debug – ang ipis
  32. Defrag – ang palaka
  33. Defense – ang bakod
  34. Defer – ang balahibo
  35. Deflate – ang plato
  36. Detest – ang eksamin
  37. Devalue – ‘yon ang susunod sa letrang V
  38. Devote – ang boto
  39. Dilemma – brownout!, a!
  40. Effort – ‘dun nagla-land ang efflane
  41. Forums – apat na kwarto
  42. July – nagsinungaling ka ba?
  43. Liturgy – what comes after litur F
  44. Thesis – ito ay…

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Word of the Lourd : Ang Plastik

Another life awakening and inspirational episode of word of the lourd by Lourd De Veyra

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Pick up lines Part 4

Are you real? am I still dreaming? or I finally found the girl of my dream!

Heaven must be missing an angel because you are here right now!

you're like a sun because my world revolves around you!

Are you a daughter of a rock star? because you rock my world!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Best Lier - boys or girls?

Top Ten Lies of boys

1. Your my only one
2. I miss you
3. I'm Thinking of you
4. I will never forget you
5. I care for you
6. You're so beautiful
7. you're so sexy
8. I'm happy when i'm with you
9. I like you
10. I LOVE YOU

Girls TOP lie

I BELIEVE YOU!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A mind of a filipino

(a friend e-mailed this to me)


A Filipino walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to the Philippines on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Filipino hands over the keys and documents of new
Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Filipino for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two
weeks later, the Filipino returns, repays the $5,000 and theinterest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and thistransaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?
The Filipino replies:"Where

else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only$15.41
and expect it to be there when I return'"

Ah, the mind of the Filipino... Hehe.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Joketime : Filipino VS American

Question and Answer

A Filipino and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.

The Filipino, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa.”

Again, the Filipino declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $500.”

This gets the Filipino’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The Filipino doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.

“Okay,” says the American, “Your turn.”

So the Filipino asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!

He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.

Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Filipino and hands him $500.

The Filipino thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Filipino and asks,

“Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the Filipino reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!

_____________________________________

Recycle

A Filipino is having breakfast in a hotel in France one morning. He was
eating bread and jam when an American while

chewing his gum, sits down next to him. The Pinoy ignores the Kano who,
nevertheless, starts a conversation:

American: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread??"

Filipino: (Little irritated): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble): "We don't. In America, we only eat
what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform
them in to croissants and sell them to the Philippines." The American has a
smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence. Still the American
persists.

American: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Filipino: "Of course."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chucling). "We don't. In
America, we eat fresh fruits for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam
and sell the jam to the Philippines."

The Filipino (irritated) asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do!".

Filipino (now smirking): "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"

American: (a bit puzzled): "We throw them away, of course."

Filipino: "We don't. In my beloved Philippines, we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them into chewing gum and sell them to America...

_____________________________________

Wanted : Painter

There was one Pinoy who came to America and looked at the classified ads for painting jobs. He came across the "Help Wanted" section that read - "Wanted: Painter of Porch", and thought that was perfect for his capabilities.And so he went to the American who posted the ad.

American: I need my porch painted in a day. You need to scrape all the paint up to the bare surface, and apply a coat of primer then two final coats of orange paint. Can you do that?

Pinoy: Oh yes, sir.. yes, sir! I can remoob the paint then apply orange paint beri well!

American: Ok! You got the job. Just get everything you need from the trunk of the car.After 3 hours...

Pinoy: Sir, work is pinis oreydi!

American: Wow! I'm amazed you did it in 3 hours. Did you scrape all the old paint to the bare surface?


Pinoy: Oh yes, sir! Yes, sir! I tanggalated all the old paint!


American: Well then, here's your $20 bonus!


Pinoy: Golly, sir! Tenk yu beri much. But sir, you don't heb a porch.. your car is a BMW...!


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Tagalog pickup lines !

Alarm clock ka ba? ginising mo kasi ang natutulog  kong puso.

Aanhin pa ang gravity? kung lagi akong nahuhulog sa'yo.

kung gagawa ako ng alak pangalan mo ang gagamitin ko. kasi ang lakas mo sumipa kaso sa puso ang tama.

Love is like? (Ragnarok Online skills or item)

i'm browsing the forum of my former ragnarok online guild and found this valentine season discussion about comparing love into a Ragnarok skill.
(Dedicated to pRO-vakyrie server Reclusion guild. "miss u guyz")

Love is like Mammonite, you've got to spend money to hit your target! -Aveda

Love is like stone curse, when she's near, you become petrified like a rock! -Aveda

Gottfried
love is like a STORMGUST.. for the coldhearted like me.

-AmAre-
love is like powerthrust! there's a chance to break your heart.... XD

aveda
Love is like Magnus exorcismus, pag demon ka, deads ka! (bad ka lagut ka haha!)

Love is like Sanctuary, it heals everyone except undead hahaha! korni!

Love is like Jupitel Thunder, when it hits you. youl'll be totally swept off your feet!

Sicc
Love is like a [1]Rosary... full of beads hahaha

Love is like Suffra One's you POPPED you cant stop..

project-iceman

Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt and it feels like im alive
- Incubus(love hurts) XD


e2 na ung naiisip kong pamatay eh,,,--> love is like chaos curse,, because love moves in mysterious ways WAHAHAHHAHAHA

Stmb type
for me love is blind Lord Of Vermillion kita dyan ee ewan q lng di ka mabulag

Gottfried
love is like a Vigor Explosion.. when the scene gets hot.. u know happens next

luxurious01
LOVE is like SCREAM. Nakakahilo. LOL

pero............


LOVE is also a BLESSING.

bkt? na love at "TRUE SIGHT" k b?bwahaha korny! XD-deep

Love is like Resu, it can bring back a dead heart to life.

P resu Po pls! nyahahaha! -aveda

love is like lex aeterna....pag na lex ka at tinira ka double damage... ITS HURtS

parang babae, pag nakita mo li2gawan mo then babastidin kalng nya double damge^^ stm

love is like a DS u can hurt a person even she or he is too far a distance pak shiet! it hurts men. .
-ems

love is like play dead kc pag nagbreak kau dedma na kau sa isa't isa

Love is like a trap. You cant move on for a while but eventually you'll learn to move forward and let go -aveda

LOVE is like a SLOW we you fell inlove everything will put you in slow mo.. haha..-emz

Love is like heal.. HEART KCE ICON NYA ^^ -sicc

Love is like Heavens drive it sets ur property on fire! hahaha-aveda

Love is like a Savage Bebe..

mataba man minsan sa pagmamahal..
baboy naman kung paglaruan mo lng..-infa

Love is not an inFatuation, it is a great feeling, a luxurious one.
kaya kayo magkaaway! >.<
-aveda

love is like cloaking.. u dont know if its there.. pag nandyan nga.. YARI KA!!! -sinned

Love is like a hammerfall, once na ma stun qa mahirap na magicing parang pag ibig din noh pag tumama sau ay nakuh ewan q na lang.. ahahah - rednaxela

love is like RO pwedeng kang maloko^^(Chicksilog)
-stm

Love is Like ASURA STRIKE !
it Hurts-sicc

love is like Lex Divina..

coz u say it best.. when u say nothing at all


AWWWTZZ!!~-gott

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Pick up Lines! Part 2

I'd like to be reincarnated as one of your tears, because I'd be born in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.

You're so hot you must be the reason for global warming.

Sorry miss but I have to arrest you. you're guilty for stealing my heart.

Excuse me! I'm lost, can you tell me how can i get into your heart?

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